In my Mind

To the not so heavenly, I was struck with the idea that I may be abnormal. I was told I was weird by some and a great person by others. This idea festered in my mind until I was suddenly awaken by the thought that to them, they weren’t normal either. Who was I to judge unless I be judged.

This all happened in about 3 minutes at work. While I was thinking, I was also typing away diligently with my work and occasionally stared out the window to birds flying by. The scenery was beautiful that day. You could see the ravens hanging by the tree branches as they quietly swayed back and forth with the wind. I was struck with a sort of admiration for how peaceful it all could be. There was a bit of a dust cloud forming just above the greenhouses. In my mind, I was picturing an even greater scene. I was flying through an eternity of visions and fantasies that my mind had made up on the spot. At first I was this invincible super being and next I was a pirate at sea. To my mind I was everything but what I actually was. I’m an accountant that makes a good living.

The Norm

You wake up in the morning to relive the same day you imagined last night. It’s no longer clear what you’re working for. Your envision of a perfect day would be anything other than showing up to the office at sunrise. You clock in before most people wake up and clock out when people have been off for hours. Is this normal? It’s not so bad, you’re normal as they say to each other. It’s the norm. It’s the part of life no one talks about doing yet we all go through it. From time to time you hear of those that broke out but disregard that as the exception. You tried, it didn’t work out for you. It’s all right to be normal. They can’t see you, but you can see them.

 

via Daily Prompt: Opaque

Silver Lining

Silver Lining

“Splendid. Another day is done and I’m at a loss for words. The leaves were withering off the trees as the November rain came pouring in through the season. I walked slowly through the park with leisure. The sound of squirrels rustling through the leaves gave me a sense of quietness.I cracked a smile, however faint it was. What seemed a gloomy day had a silver lining. I had found the reason behind my void and endless vexation. You go through life always believing the most logical and unequivocal sense of reason can guide you to the right answer. As simple as it may sound it’s not always the direct route that guides you to blissful paradise. It’s the opposite. You get courage from your fears right after you go through it.  Trying to protect yourself you end up hurting those that mean the most. Running from terror gets you hurt and embarrassed. Instead…look into it… to face the monsters lurking within your heart. It may sound wrong but it feels right. Just splendid.”

 

 

via Daily Prompt: Lovingly

Vexation

Vexation

I want them to see what I’m doing….there’s that uneasiness and relentless anger that comes with doubt of not knowing.The kind of stoic anger that makes your blood boil in solitude. Do they see me?? What if they miss all the important things I’m doing? What if at the last minute they just catch me at my worst moments. Would they think that’s how I always am? Ah but to be a fool of my own imagination, now that would be irony in it’s cruelest form.I can’t act like this all the time, I want to be myself. I want to be someone that doesn’t mind not being noticed. To drift peacefully in a blissful melancholy of my own creation. The dream was always there, in all it’s superfluity, courage and ambiguity. I am who I am, indescribable, and yet familiar to those who know this feeling of…anguish.

via Daily Prompt: Yellow

Flight

Flight

It’s calm before the havoc. The moment where all your hairs turn in the same direction in excitement. You’re waiting for something to happen knowing full well that it’s you  you’re waiting for. The moment drags its feet in front of you and you’re clasped in between memories and fantasies of what could be. There’s no time left to create. As the seconds go by you grow angrier and more anxious. Why isn’t it happening?  “The moments passing, but courage has yet to hit me”, you think as they cheer wildly in your head. If there was ever a time for hope this was it. Did she look your way? Did they realize how amazing you truly are? Are you just dreaming or is this actually going to happen. Wake up! Fly, there’s no more time, the ground beneath you is crumbling. You can’t stay here any longer. You must go.

Ulises

Ulises

The room was clean when he gathered his thoughts. In front of him lay a bookshelf with various types of things he’s read over the years. Some on self-help, some on business and others just for fantasy. He sat there discontent. Years of memories gathered around him as one’s room should. It had pictures of his loved ones and trophies of triumphant times long gone. There was a bottle of Don Julio with two shot glasses he had collected in his travels through Asia. He sat there alone with the night breeze his only companion. Through his mind he thought, “What was I supposed to do? It seems like a memory I should have remembered. I got to work, I aim to go to the gym and then I use whatever time I have left to figure that out. I want to do something but I don’t know what it is! It’s the imminent feeling you get when you’re so close to something but you miss the mark. Did I not say enough? Did I say too much? What was it….” He gets up. “Maybe it was to meet my soulmate…but that sounds too easy…” he muttered. “I can’t die without knowing…and I can’t bear living if that’s not where I’m going to…to find the answer I’ve been looking for.” He lays in bed to uncover the sheets and rest his head. The night has passed and the sandman has come. Slowly he reaches his hand out from under the blanket to reach for the ceiling. He grasps it firmly unveiling a tortured fist filled with a temperament of sorrow. Suddenly he relaxes his hand and collapses it next to him. “Maybe tomorrow I’ll know…” he whispers as his dream blanket his conscious.

Indifferent Hearts

Indifferent Hearts

As they wrapped their presents for the day it had crossed his mind whether this really mattered to him. As the sounds of wrapping paper surrounded them it brought along many different conversations. Mostly the anticipation of their happy faces we’re on each other’s mind. What kind of expression does a person make when they receive a gift? Does it make you happy or does the idea of it do? Theses we’re all the thoughts that had crossed his mind.

“Do you think they’d appreciate everything we’re going to give? I mean it is cold I’d figure they’d want gloves… you know?”  Irma said as she cut along the lines of the wrapping paper. As Ricky taped around the edges and put bows on he muttered, “I don’t know… What’s worst is when they get upset and throw it back at your face, homeless people have a lot pride you know”. They both sat there with worried eyes yet they felt compelled to feel excitement. It was picking up outside with the winter season well into effect. As he looked outside a droplet of rain pierced the windowpane to race to the bottom. Ricky: “Was that the last one? We better get going, I don’t know if they’ll stay out when it’s raining”. Irma: “Yeah let’s go! I wouldn’t want to be out in the rain either”.

They drove around the city for about thirty minutes before seeing anyone resembling a homeless person. “How about that one??” she said.

Ricky: No…yes? I don’t know…they could be homeless or just a regular person having a bad day…”

Irma: Well that makes no sense, we can’t judge someone for being less homeless than another person, just pull over I’ll hand it to them.

He gleams back at her with a fainting smile. She was right, he thought.  We can’t help them by not helping them either and if you do offend someone well then that’s just the way the world works. He turns his signal lights on as they pull over. She scurries to find the nearest supply box, while pulling down the window. “Excuse me! Uh…yes hello, we’d like to give you this gift box just as a gesture of good will, have a merry Christmas!” She can see his cold expression fade away. The gentlemen had a thick green coat the resembled a style long ago. His untamed facial featured gave resemblance to a man in the wilderness. The grey hairs on his chin gave light to his age and with callus hands he held up a sign. It read, “Anything helps, GOD BLESS”. The day was cold but the moment was the warmest he’s had in a long time. “Oh wow…you didn’t have to but thank you, god bless. I get to unwrap something this year. You guys are awesome” He said as he took the package. She smiled tenderly at him. Ricky with a straight face forced a quick smile towards him. As she rolled up the window he geared up towards the next random destination. This went on till the day was done.

“Wasn’t that nice?” She asked him as the last package was dropped off. “Yeah…it was” He responded. “And now you’re a better person for it, you did something good for someone today” she exhaled. “I don’t know about better…but we did do something good today” he said with a sad expression. In the back of his mind he knows nothing had changed. You’re going through the motions…but you’re not connecting to them, he thought as he looked at her with worried eyes. She couldn’t notice his stare as she walked inside the house. He sighs as he looks back towards the car. The rain was coming down now and there was a somber feeling in the air. He shook the idea from his mind. You did something good and that’s good right? He asked himself as she called to him from inside the house. “Yeah…that’s good…that’s good” he whispered as he walked toward the house.